The first is of the mother that has everything together (or at least appears to), who has the Pinterest-worthy nursery and birthday parties, who speaks glowingly about every single phase of a child's life as being truly magical. This mother inexplicably has white walls and light-colored carpets, always has the laundry done and makes her own baby food. Even when this mom "keeps it simple" the result could still feasibly be its own magazine cover. She also probably cloth diapers and talks about how much easier it is (convinced this is a lie).
The second is an opposing vision: this mother loves her children as well, but neglects her significant other. She wears crusty, stained yoga pants, her hair hasn't seen shampoo in weeks. This mother defines her parenting style by the absence, rather than the presence, of overachievement. As proud of the other mother is of her parties and her nursery, this mom is just as proud of the fact that her children ate cereal for dinner while she drank her wine.
At this point I will say that I am not suggesting that either of these parents loves their child more or less than the other; indeed, though you find plenty of examples of both these narratives on the internet, I don't think either tell the entire picture.
The plunge into parenthood is fraught with as much guilt and insecurity as it is with joy and amazement. that much any parent will tell you. With mothers in particular (in a biased, heternormative sense as that is my experience) I think many find it easier to express the push and pull in extremes, such as the extreme examples above. This doesn't leave a lot of room for the grey areas into which most people fall. If there's one thing I've learned about parenting over the last 5.5 months, it's that you'll often find yourself immersed (submerged? drowning?) in nuance and grey areas.
All that said, I thought I'd share with you what parenting, and more specifically motherhood, look like for me--equal parts overachievement and "just getting by."
At this point I will say that I am not suggesting that either of these parents loves their child more or less than the other; indeed, though you find plenty of examples of both these narratives on the internet, I don't think either tell the entire picture.
The plunge into parenthood is fraught with as much guilt and insecurity as it is with joy and amazement. that much any parent will tell you. With mothers in particular (in a biased, heternormative sense as that is my experience) I think many find it easier to express the push and pull in extremes, such as the extreme examples above. This doesn't leave a lot of room for the grey areas into which most people fall. If there's one thing I've learned about parenting over the last 5.5 months, it's that you'll often find yourself immersed (submerged? drowning?) in nuance and grey areas.
All that said, I thought I'd share with you what parenting, and more specifically motherhood, look like for me--equal parts overachievement and "just getting by."
- No matter in which direction I look, there is at least one baby-related item in my periphery.
- Spending an additional .50 on the "nice" baby food jars to compensate for the guilt of not making my own healthy baby food.
- Trying the Ferber method, then trying full-time cosleeping. Mixed results with both.
- Making sure the plastic toys I buy are BPA and phthalate free despite the fact that I can't tell you with any certainty exactly what BPA or phthalates are.
- Breastfeeding exclusively except for the odd bottle of formula to get a break.
- Babywearing, not for its supposed benefits but because it's the only way my baby naps that still allows me to get work done.
- I could not care less about the decor or cake for Amelia's first birthday.
- In a fit of exhaustion I might've told Amelia I'd sell her to the circus.
So there you go. Parenthood. At least my kid should develop a good sense of humor out of all this.
No comments:
Post a Comment