There are a few aspects of parenthood that I consider particularly difficult to deal with.
I suppose first on the list would be the usual things: not getting to pee alone, not sleeping, not being able to explain to a tiny irrational monkey that I cannot, in fact, read her mind.
One aspect that I have found difficult is the fact that I have to deal with the opinions of other parents, and that many parents in my generation are absolutely insane.
It doesn't help, perhaps, that I don't have many parent friends in real life and therefore find myself turning to the Internet. The Internet has blessed me with many amazing friends throughout my adulthood, but it's also exposed me to the thoughts of people I may not give the time of day if I knew them in person.
I think that most parents of my generation are affected by the clamor of uncited opinions that are brazenly presented as fact. While it's true that the Internet has given us an unprecedented exposure to information, it's also given us equal access to the thoughts and feelings of millions of people. The problem with every belief presented on equal footing with fact is that it's really easy to internalize those beliefs and assume they accurately reflect how parenting is or should be. This leads otherwise (mostly) logical people--myself included--to submit to the narrative presented by the loudest and craziest among us.
The ultimate result, then, is that parents nowadays have become absolutely obsessive about things that don't actually matter all that much and have created a complete blind spot over things that could actually matter.
We are a generation obsessed with breastfeeding to the point that we talk of formula as if it's a last resort instead of the valid, healthy alternative that it is; a generation that grew up watching TV but that is convinced that TV and screens are all that's standing between our children and an Ivy League future; a generation that obsessively feeds our children organic, non-GMO food despite a complete dearth of evidence that it's any better than conventional food; a generation that has somehow conveyed the message to expectant moms that anything other than an unmedicated vaginal birth can't be counted as "really" giving birth; a generation that doesn't let children play outside and manages to subconsciously project a fear of the world on them; a generation that assumes we must be constantly playing and engaging with our children and loving every minute of it.
Conversely, we don't think twice of posting our children's faces and potentially embarrassing stories all over the internet for the world to see. We go on and on about how should teach our children that looks don't matter, but then dress our children in tiny adult clothes, taking a billion photos and giving them for free to companies as unpaid "brand enthusiasts." We are shocked by the fact that our children still deal with body image and food issues while still presenting food as having some sort of moral value (with words like "clean," "whole," and "poison."). We think that our children playing happily by themselves is a sign that we are not engaging them with enough crafts instead of a healthy sign of independence. Some of us prefer the advice of celebrities over educated, experience physicians.
There isn't a whole lot of evidence yet about the effects of the internet, since we are among the first to have to parent children with it. But the fact that we play so fast and easy with our children's presence on social media suggests that we aren't doing a good job of separating ourselves from them. In our race to be perfect parents, to outdo the outdoers, and to out-Pinterest our high school classmates, I think we too often forget that our children are their own people who one day will craft their own identities more or less independent of us.
In short, our children aren't art projects. They aren't medals or trophies for us to show off. They also aren't delicate, fragile pets that need to be coddled at every turn. Human beings have survived and thrived through much harder times, and our sons and daughters will be just fine with un-organic avocados and the occasional (read: more than occasional) fish stick. They can and should survive (and thrive) on their own, without our continual involvement.
I guess my hope for myself and for my fellow parents is that despite the perpetual cascade of opinions we can all just let go a little bit--let go of the need to control every part of our kids' lives, to have the "perfect" birth and "perfect" child and the "perfect" life for all to see, to need to be anything other than enough for our children. That's all they ask of us, and while it is a very important duty, we don't need to take it so goddamn seriously all the time.
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