What I Want to Remember

Amelia is 11 months old next week.

It's a cliche, I know, but I have no idea where that time went or where it continues to go. I feel like I'm constantly doing double takes wondering if it's really this close to a year since I had her.

When you have a new baby so many moments take on significance. The first time they respond to their name, the first smile, the first tooth, the first giggle and the first full-on laugh, the first time they noticeably recognize you. If you're anything like me you frantically write down dates in animal-themed books so you have them somewhere, as though one day you'll have a party on April 25th every year to mark the anniversary of her 7th tooth coming in.

Amelia first tried solids--pears--at around 4.5 months. I had my mom record the event on her iPhone. At the time I asked my mother what my first food was, and she could really only guess since it was close to 30 years ago. That she couldn't remember something that was currently so central to my own life surprised me--would I really one day have to look up that her first food was pears, eaten at almost exactly 4.5 months in our dining room in Vermont? Would I forget the look on her face when she ate something aside from breastmilk for the first time? How could these things ever lose the deep, bone-crushing significance they seemed to have now?

But I realized that moments that seemed significant at the time to my mother were quickly buried by more and increasingly significant moments--riding a bike, interacting with my sisters, going to school--not to mention what I've done as an adult, and not to mention all the other significant moments in the lives of my two sisters.

Bottom line, there will come more moments, greater in number and in significance, and I imagine the little things that I recall so vividly now will fade into turtle- and owl-covered pages in her baby book.

But that doesn't mean I'm okay with forgetting them yet. As excited as I am for the future and for Amelia to grow and change, I can't help but find myself wanting to hang on to them in whatever way I can. To that end, here are some of those things that I want to remember about Amelia's first 11 months.

1. How her fist jiggles at the end of a very big stretch.

2. The high-pitched squeal she would make at the end of a scream as a newborn.

3. The drudgery and soul-crushing frustration of the "colic days."

4. How illuminating it felt when the colic days ended.

5. How her eyes scrunch up when she smiles.

6. Her ability to mimic our sounds ("hi," rolling her tongue, growling).

7. How she points at Rob (with her whole hand open) every time he comes home.

8. Watching her master clapping.

9. Her fondness for baths and water in general.

10. Watching Rob become a dad and grow more and more excited with each milestone.

11. Her 7th tooth came in on April 25th.

12. Her first food was pears. Eaten at 4.5 months in a dining room in Vermont. And she fucking loved them.